Some kid on an advert on TV just asked the question

"What's the point of a daddy longlegs? They just come out and hassle you.."

He has a point too, to us they are just horrible, they fly in your mush and make you wave your hands around like a loon on speed trying to take off. They make your kids scream out "Dad! Dad! there's a daddy long legs in my room" they are a bit like wasps or bluebottles, shit don't even get me started on those fuckers.

But hey, just to get contrary for 10 seconds. There we go again in our arrogant we own the fucking planet way we have about us.

There is a point to them, however annoying they may be. They have as much right to earth tenancy as you or I. They are part of the biosphere, feeding other predators, enabling them to play their part in the thing that is life. Feeding the bird that fed the cat that fed the dog that fed the local tai pai take away that fed the bloke on the way home from the pub that....

I can see a new advert actually, there could be a group of people, all in various states of profession...actually no, hang on better still. Put all the MP's in a big room with Tony and George and have them all singing...

"I don't know why, we swallowed the lie, perhaps we all should fuck off and die..."

I used to enjoy watching that ray mears thing on the BBC. He'd make things and show you little techniques for survival. Be it tents, or obtaining water, or keeping warm or fishing techniques, it was all good stuff, I liked his style.

Right now, I'm watching this program on channel 4 there is this chap named Bear Gryss I think, who is walking round some jungle somewhere, closely followed by a camera crew. Oh no its not a jungle, its the Everglades. Swamps and crocodiles.

He is finding things like fish and maggots and frogs and putting them in his mouth and eating the buggers. Alive mind, no ceremonial slaughter or humane killing with this guy, uh uh. Straight in the gob munch munch munch.

I was only half watching this thing realy, until that was he finds this turtle, huge thing it was, like a big old chicken, only not a chicken. Minding its own business in the swamp doing the thing that turtles do, when suddenly this guy Bear finds it. He holds it up to the camera and starts going on about how important such things are in the wild to ones survival. Suddenley, he pulls out a big fuck off knife and yams it, straight in to the turtles head and kills the thing. He then stuck it on a fire and cooked the bugger.

Now, ok its a TV program and yeah, they've gotta make it watchable and maintain our interest, but really, was that so fuckin necessary I ask? I don't think it was. I think it was senseless brutality inflicted purely for effect. He didn't have to kill it, he could have just held up and said this would be yum, and moved on. Same with the fish and the frog I guess.

Oh look he has snake now, I spose he's gonna kill that little fucker too. Oh no, he let it go. Shit, what an arse, he could have skinned it and made a shoe.

Wanker.

Sally Clark was found at home today dead, she was 43.

She served three years in prison after being found guilty of murdering her newborn sons Christopher and Harry.

She was later released in 2003 after a court found the conviction to be unsafe.

The testimony of an expert witness Professor Roy Meadows was deemed to be pivotal in securing her conviction. Mr Meadows was later to be struck off the medical register by the GMC after being found guilty of serious professional misconduct. Decisions which were subsequently overturned at the high court of appeal.

It hasn't yet been reported as to the cause of Sallys death. Her family have spoken of the terrible toll that this whole episode had had upon her.

I can't begin to know what it must be like to serve three years in prison as a convicted child killer. One reads all sorts of accounts of how people convicted of such crimes are treated by their fellow inmates. I wouldn't even try to begin to imagine how it must feel to know that you are innocent and have to deal with all that comes with being convicted of such a thing. Add to that the loss of your children and the inability of being able to grieve for that loss and you can only but wonder what it does to ones soul.

The police and lawyers who prosecuted that case, the people who put stock in the evidence of one man, simply because he was a professor and esteemed professional, should today hang their heads in shame and take a very long look at themselves and how they conduct their business.

Life is precious, you get just one shot at it. Sallys life was ruined through no fault of her own. Crushed by the weight of an adversarial legal system that all too often convicts people on the basis of spurious claims or dubious evidence.

Rip Sally Clark, I hope you are with your babies and are now at peace.

...May well sound like I'm some kind of hitman, but I'm not, I'm signing up for a male escort agency. No no no, not the sleazy male prostitute variety where I'll be banging old grannies, or face like the back of a bus les dawson looky likeys or anything like that, oh no.

It's the type where you  just escort women who need a guy on their arms or a bit of company to a corporate event or social event somewhere. Someone to talk to and discuss things with, someone to have a laugh with even.

See, I've tried dating and to be honest, its all a bit of a pain in the arse. All that expectation, romantic hopes,  all that trying to impress nonsense, nah - I'm sick of it .

I think thats part of the draw with this male escort thing. I'll get to go out and have a bit of female company and get paid for it too, win win. I don't have to bang them or anything either, there's no obligation to any kind of romantic involvement too, just a plain old night out, doing something different with someone who is paying me for the pleasure, how bad that? If I dont like them or they don't like me then great, no problem either, I don't have to go through that whole feeling rejected or doing the rejecting thing.

Why else do I want to do this? Well, whilst I'm like most red blooded heterosexual chaps, as ive already said this isn't about finding women to bang and have sex with, this is more about the fact that in my job, I just don't get to meet women. It just doesn't happen. I don't even get to have a flirt on the m25 even, I leave work too early for traffic jams.

I come home, sometimes pick my kids up and feed them, then drop them off home and at times that'll be that for the evening.Don't get me wrong thats fine too, but it can get a little boring and repetitive, lifes more fun when its varied and random.

See,  I don't do that whole go to the pub thing and invade some womans space and due to the nature of where I live, don't get the options to go out with lots of friends and meet people socially; besides, it's hard work being a 38 divorcee singleton. Most of your mates are married, and many of your old friends are just caught up in their own lives or live miles away. 38 isn't a time of having lots of boozing buds and clubbing and going out on the pull - its different, Ive changed, I have to re-learn all this stuf and find out how it all works again I guess.

I love women, don't ask me what it is I love exactly, as I don't really know. I love their softness, their smooth features, I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes and a fine form, yet I'm also a sucker for the feminine nature in general. I love the way a woman see's things differently. Her perspectives on life in my limited experience have often been softer and more nurturing. I'm drawn to those things. I love the way they fawn and awww over babies and frilly things and perfumes, I love how they can get lost in shops for hours on end, I love the way they laugh or tease, I guess that ultimately, I just love that whole maternal thing. It might explain why I fell drawn to matriarchs. I love strong independant women who are family focused and orientated.Perhaps its the maternal thing. Freud said that we all want to get back and bang our mothers or in the case of women our fathers even ( the Oedipus Complex ) , those being the first real opposite sex loves of our lives. To me thats a bit icky, well actually cancel that, its a lot fucking icky! I prefer to side with the idea that as adults we all have a deeper need for that emotional reconnect. Subconsciously we look for aspects of our mothers or fathers in our prospective life partners. A cockney mo fo I aint.

Yeah ok, so not all women are like that either, I know that, duh. I've painted something close to a version of my idealised version of mrs  perfectomundo. There isn't anything inherently wrong with aggressive pushy women. Or macho women, of insert any number of different representations of female gender representations other than of course, that I don't find certain aspects of them that attractive, or at least have yet to meet one who displayed contrary characterisitics in abundance, that floated my boat

So yeah, I've filled in the forms and have sent my monies off to be vetted and cleared and be given the good to go. Watch this space. It should be fun.

Hat tip to James